a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.
what the fuck
if you think i’m ugly now you should have seen me in 2009
one of my favourite moments is when i’m sitting on a toilet completely drunk and i just smile and nod at myself in silence
when u try to tell ur friends a pun
The only thing funnier than a pun is the look of utter disappointment, hatred, and/or disbelief from the people around you
YOU ARE THE DANCING QUEEN
YOUNG AND SWEET ONLY SEVENTEEN